Current mood:	groggy
Current music:	adolescent - the lucksmiths

turning crazier by the minute
Something is very, very wrong here. I swear I did NOT join ddg_and_sundry. NONONO. I have a Super Secret Worshipful Obsession! If I am part of the maya community, then I will be much closer to doing something deeply embarrassing, like writing a lame-o fanfic of her fanfic, or making a hideous fanvideo or revealing how many times a day I refresh her page (oh GOD!).

See, when I become a fan of something (or someone), I become deranged. In that dark point of my life know as the Vic Zhou Obsession phase, I managed to amass an extensive array of F4 merchandise--from magazines to key chains to stationeries to paper bags to fucking DINNER PLATES. I even emailed a TV station using different pseudonyms (vic zhou gurl, Jessica T, JDT, etc) because I missed watching an F4 special and I was begging for a rerun (I thought, "They're bound to give in to public clamor!"). With my clever use of aliases, that shouldn't have been such a shameful incident, but since I was the queen of dolts, I messaged them using a single email address.

Jeez, even writing about this is making me cringe. It's all so hideously embarrassing and I'd be damned if I fall into the same fannish abyss. That's why I'd rather not participate in any such communities. Give me reinforcements in the form of similarly obsessed fanatics, and I'll  turn rabid all over again. Since I can no longer use the "I was young and easily excitable!" excuse, any resulting embarrassment will be due to my adult, rational and willful choice, which is the worst kind of embarrassment in the world.

Which brings me to the point of this blog: despite having no memory of ever joining ddg_and_sundry, why the hell am I a member? I have two suspicions. First is that the community has some web counter of sorts and they notice my consistent trolling and they thought, "what the hell, why don't you just become a member for reals since you visit this site more than the actual members anyway?" And they added me, the busy and important admin themselves. Because I'm special like that.

The second, and most terrifying, theory is this: my subconscious mind is starting to reign over my actions. I dread the day I do something so hauntingly embarrassing I start requiring help of the shrink so I better steer clear of the interwebz for a while.  But that is for later. In the meantime, I have to agonize whether or not to pull my membership.